Sixth Grade

My problem started when I was in the 6th grade... I felt different from my classmates... boys will come to me and say "you know, I think I will like you if..." again, I can't remember what the ifs were... I started liking boys but I don't know how to handle it... I was afraid of going out with boys... I was afraid for reasons I still don't know... My mom goes to school with me (the whole year of my 6th grade) to make sure that I will attend my classes... that year was the worst time of my life... I don't really know why I don't want to go to school anymore... my mom literally goes with me and patiently guides me.... where was I? I find myself sneaking out of school when i was in 6th grade. I go to a public school nearer to my house... i would go there and make friends with students. oh, it was fun... my first time to eat street food... oh wow! the first time i did something that just makes me happy... away from worries and fears... To cut the story short... i am wasted... but i survived grade school. :) be going to high school... MOM! i'm proud of you... you did it...

The First 10 years of my Life

I came from a typical family that both parents have to work... My dad works in the goverment and my Mom is an art teacher. My dad's salary is enough to cover our house expenses and to give us good education. My mom has to work since in our country, artist are paid well. There comes some savings for our "future" as they labelled it...Since most of the time my parents are away, a nanny and helper would replace them... they were the ones taking care of me and my other siblings. I don't remember exactly when the abuse started... i just remember one time (i was four year old) that my relatives were having a drinking spree and all the children had to go upstairs coz it's past our bedtime... i remember, that at one point, i was offered a bottle of beer by an uncle or was it my grandpa... i just don't know who... but the incident was still fresh... someone is responsible for giving me that first alcoholic drink...i don't know why that situation is still in my memory... i got drunk... hey and i don't even know why i'm writing it... maybe... just maybe... something happened... or that was the start of my nightmares that until now is haunting me...I woke up one morning (maybe i was six years old then)... i know i had a bad dream but just can't remember what... all i know is that i am hurting... something is not normal... i asked my mom... "... is there such thing as ghost mama?"... she ignored me... i asked my brother or my cousin (i don't know) "is there such thing as ghost?" ... and he replied "yes, and sometimes, ghost love the mortals... they even marry them"... end of memory...When i was in grade school... i remember that i was odd... my teachers would say that i am intelligent and i was always in the top of the class.. i also remember that i was sickly then... with no reason at all, my stomach will hurt... i was sick all the time... i don't have friends... i don't like people around me... but i like talking to teachers.... and they loved me... my dad will get me from school with my brother and we will stay in his office and all together, we go home...

Be Patient

I am starting to get frustrated... hope that someone, somehow... somebody would read this blog... i just want to get freed from all these pains...

Starting Up

Dear Friends:

Hey guys! i am new here and really need your help... i want to learn to write so i can somehow be freed with all the experiences that i have had in the past.

I am sexually abused since i was a child and as i grew up, i was to believed that somebody touching my body is something normal.

i know something is different with me... and hope writing all these will help me and the others who are going through something like these...

One Voice

One voice
Singing in the darkness
All it takes is one voice
Singing so they hear what's on your mind
And when you look around you'll find
There's more than one voice
Singing in the darkness
Joining with your one voice
Each and every note or another octave
Hands are joined and fears unlocked

If only one voice will start it on it's own
We need just one voice facing the unknown
And then that one voice will never be alone
It takes that one voice

It takes that one voice

One voice
Singing in the darkness
All it takes is one voice
Shout it out and let it ring
Just one voice
It takes that one voice
And everyone will sing